Waiting

This is a time of waiting. I'm getting accustomed to waiting. Back in the fall, when I first decided to do this, I thought, "Okay! Let's get the turkey baster out get inseminated." That was before I learned about doctors, waiting lists, requirements and tests. Oh my. The tests. 

But turkey baster day is arriving soon. Possibly even this month. Last month I didn't ovulate until very late in the cycle, so I'm crossing my fingers that eggs will be released at the proper time and voice mails will go to the proper people. Really, I don't have nearly as much control over this as I would like. Older, wiser people tell me this is a mere teaser when it comes to having children. I will look back on these as the days when I had perfect control in my life. But I can still dream, and I am.

In the mean time, the weather has been springlike and beautiful. I walk in the evenings and soak up the sun. Seeing beyond the gloom of winter gives me hope and optimism. The anxieties over whether this is a good decision, whether my nest egg is big enough, my job secure enough, my family supportive enough just melted away. This is right.