The Holiday Season

This holiday season is different than usual. For the first time in years, I feel like decorating, listening to Christmas carols, and celebrating. Maybe it is the baby?

At the same time, an old friend came to visit from out of town and wanted to visit to "touch my belly." I wanted to scream and run away. Belly touching has been on a case-by-case basis. If I get a good vibe, it is okay. This is the second good friend who hasn't had a good vibe. I wouldn't have guessed this would be my reaction, and it puzzles me.

Baby arrival time is getting close, and I'm eager to meet the little one. I'm also eager to be able to put on my shoes without it turning into an event.

So here's to the holiday season and family and friends. Next year there will be a little one to help celebrate.

The Registry

With the third trimester rapidly approaching, my fears that there will be no baby have evaporated. They are being replaced with the sense that I've just wasted seven months of preparation time. Even the animals at my house seem to know something is arriving. They jockey for a position on my lap that allows them to put their front paws around my belly and rest their chins on the big lump.

Staying home yesterday would have been so pleasant especially with the furry creatures who want to snuggle. Instead, I went to Target to register for baby things. The staff was friendly and helpful. The inventory was completely overwhelming. I was completely unprepared for the volume of things.

The babies I recall baby sitting for had a few toys, diapers, food, and a crib. I registered for a baby swing and a baby bouncer. A small portable crib got on the list. A mother walked by with a screaming toddler who threw himself on the floor and couldn't be persuaded to walk away. I started to feel anxious about the whole parenting enterprise.

The baby bottles were next. I plan to breastfeed, but baby sitters will need bottles. I was getting a little dizzy and wanted to sit on the floor with my head between my knees. Another mother with a wailing child walked by in the cart. With the registry only partially completed, I went home exhausted. The nice folks at Target say I can finish later in the store or online.

Naptime

Sleeping is the most attractive thing these days -- aside from food. I awakened at 4:30 this morning because my stomach was growling and wouldn't be ignored. After a cup of yogurt, I got a few more hours sleep. Later this afternoon, I had a double helping of nap.

So much slumber is not good for accomplishing tasks. As the six-month mark approaches, I feel the need to check items off of the to-do list more quickly. (The list continues to grow as well.) Some home redecorating is scheduled for completion in late November, and the next item is the nursery. Baby might not have a freshly painted room. I may just settle for moving the desks and computer out of the room. (See sleeping above.) The painting could come later.

As for now, I think it is high time I went back to bed.

Mental Health

Last week I got quite concerned about the emotional ups and downs I'm experiencing. People at work are irritating me, and that was unusual. I like my job and I'm count myself luck to be employed. Fortunately good manners covers most things. I didn't even have unexpected tears.

My wonderful therapist, the one who coached me back to life after a divorce, managed to work me in for an appointment. We talked, and I told her I didn't quite know what was wrong. I just felt like a teenager with wild emotions and the idea that other people just don't get it.

She laughed and made her diagnosis: "You're pregnant." She also said I was welcome to come back for therapy if I needed help handling the ups and downs. Somehow, hearing that I wasn't crazy makes it much easier.

On the Work Front

Things at work are roller coaster on the way up. The coworker who makes me feel uncomfortable has moved away from my area. Not sitting next to him is going to be such a huge improvement. It was just awkward and painful with him moping.

Another coworker wants to do something special for me. She wants to get some other people involved in it too. I'm tickled at how much people want to spoil this baby, and I'm delighted to let them.

Even with all of this support, I'm still feeling dissatisfied. This was my dream job, and I loved it for years. Now it really isn't a dream job, and the thrill is long gone. While other people would be preparing nurseries and nesting, I'm getting my interest inventories together and polishing my resume. If I still feel this way after I've been back from maternity leave for a few month, I'll be ready to move onto something else. I keep hoping that it is just hormones or just anxiety about the baby. I'm afraid that it really is about the work.

Wondering, Dreaming

The days feel autumnal. The sky took on the rich blue hue and the sun is yellower. It gets dark earlier, and I've had to dig out my sweater. The garden chores to get the garden ready for winter are beginning, and I really enjoy it.

I'm wondering what it will be like at this time next year. The baby will be seven months old. Will I have to sneak outside? Will the little one want to help? I feel as if I'm leaving all of this behind, and I don't have any regrets. In my experience, people who don't have any fears about the unknown are completely ignorant. I hope my education will be kind.

New Pants

New pants with a special elastic panel in the front are being shipped to my house at this very minute. It's getting chillier outside, and my waistband is getting tighter and tighter. At the beginning I thought I might avoid those silly looking pregnancy pants, but right now, I'm giddy about getting them.

The pregnancy bra arrived earlier and life is infinitely more comfortable. This has also put an end to trying to discretely rearrange my boobs and put them back into a bra from which they've escaped. I'm hopeful that the pants will reduce the high risk enterprise of not having my pants fastened and covering them with a long shirt.