Baby Blogs and Too Much Information

Do mommy bloggers have a right to share their children's stories? MSNBC ran an article. I identified with that. While my little dumpling has her fair share of adventures, I don't want her to be embarrassed by what gets posted on internet. 

However, that won't stop me from dishing about our latest breastfeeding incident. Usually, nursing is a very pleasant and snugly experience. Imagine my horror when she used her two new teeth to bite me. It really hurt. She did it four more times throughout the day. Each time I popped her off of the breast, told her no, and put the buffet away. She fussed, and I let her nurse after a few minutes. She's a smart one because she has been very gentle ever since then. 

My mother smirked and reported that I used to bite her, lean back and smile at her. That was when she decided twelve months was enough nursing for me. Until I personally experienced a nip-- hey, it still smarts days after the fact--I thought she was exaggerating. The dumpling seems to understand the manners required to continue nursing. I hope to continue until she's at least a year old. 

She's so worth it. Yesterday she gave me two kisses when I picked her up from daycare. 

First Foods

The baby-lead weaning looked so promising, but Squeak (as I've started to call the baby) had other plans. Even at six-months, grasping the food and moving it to her mouth was a big challenge. She did want to eat though. Red foods are especially interesting, and she's attempted to sneak strawberries from plates that were too close.

I was sad to learn that strawberries aren't good baby food. When she's closer to age two, she can have strawberries. And tomatoes. Without being aware of it, I'd been day dreaming about teaching little Squeak to pick tomatoes and strawberries out of the garden next summer. Next summer will have to be devoted to flowers, walks, and playing in the sprinkler.

My sister was visiting when Squeak had her first food -- the traditional rice cereal with breast milk. Having aspired to  eating for several months, Squeak looked delighted to have food in her mouth. She insisted that the food delivery continue uninterrupted. When the spoonfuls of food don't arrive quickly enough, she grunted and flapped her arms. This baby loves to eat.  My mother, father and sister all helped feed her the first meal. Sharing the love of a baby with your own loved ones is such a deep connection. I never would have anticipated that our family would grow closer over this.

Baby's Babbling!

Having a baby is one of the best things I've done. It is a true joy. Maybe the sacrifices haven't seemed like sacrifices because I was ready to make them. Staying home most evenings to play with the kidlet is a delight.

For those who wonder if she's asking about her father yet, she has started to chant "da-da-da-da". Mothers whose babies said Dada first are now vindicated.

Thrifty Mom's Waste Management

Everyone says you cannot overestimate the sticker shock of a baby. I believed them, but I didn't fully understand what they meant. Going to the store for diaper supplies and coming out $80 lighter was a real wake-up call. Combined with the cats' kitty litter and my toilet paper, we hit nearly $100 a month on just poop. It's enough to stimulate your bowels -- in a bad way.

Coupons are now my friends. I'm able to get the same number of diapers at 75 percent of what I had been paying. I'm an expert on when Huggies (the diaper du jour) will be on sale, when coupons are doubled, and which stores will accept store and manufacturer coupons.

I use cloth diapers when we are home. Just plain old prefolds with a diaper cover work like a charm. (And, hey, I think this counts for Mother Earth kudos too.) Now that I'm healed from the c-section and can run up and down the stairs, laundry is easier. These diapers wash very easily, and baby is still breastfeed. When she starts solid foods, I'll let you know if there are horror stories.

The coupons and sales and store policies can be very entertaining. These days, I especially enjoy reeling in a bargain. I'm not one of those who can buy $100 worth of groceries for $.50, but I can knock $20 off the total. It makes me want to dance!

Baby Likes Bookstores

Being an avid reader myself, I hope to share this interest with my daughter. We read Goodnight Moon or The Runaway Bunny. She bats at the pages or snuggles with me. Frankly, she's less than attentive. I've started sneaking in a few pages of Leaves of Grass when I've read her a book or two. She doesn't seem to know the difference yet, which is good because Uncle Walt is racier than I remembered. As to the baby, perhaps she will have pleasant associations with the site and smell of a book -- if only it is because when we sit down together.

I'd been avoiding bookstores so the customers aren't offended and the baby isn't cranky. A trip to the bookstore this weekend went very well. She sat in her sling and looked at the colorful book spines while I browsed. Of course, we made new friends with the staff and the customers. Baby smiles and flirts with everyone. I had no idea how much people love babies. I'd only heard horror stories about rude comments from strangers. Nearly six months into the game, we haven't had any encounters. I have a whole new appreciation for my fellow humans.

I still have to pinch myself each time I realize that I have a baby who I love and who loves me right back. I'm not dreaming. It's the real deal.

Baby Holding

Being put down is not an option for the baby. She cries and fusses. She seems to know when she isn't next to a person and instantly protests. My mother has been visiting daily to help with housework and hold the baby.

I would have consulted Mom about getting pregnant if I'd known it was going to be that much work for her. She said she was glad I didn't ask because she would have told me not to do it. She and Dad are both as enchanted by the baby as I am. It's good to know she doesn't have regrets.

Baby has had diaper rash for two weeks. It looked painful and nothing was clearing it up. The doctor's office suggested a combination of Mylanta, A & D ointment, and miconozole. It sounds strange, but the rash looks better.

The Stork has Arrived

The baby arrived in the middle of a snowstorm. Schools were closed and events were cancelled. I wouldn't have known. My mother and I had spent the last two nights in the hospital while tests were being run for pre-eclampsia. The diagnosis was that it was a mild case.

By that time, I felt awful. My ankles, knees, and wrists were so swollen I could hardly move them.

The doctor came to discuss induction with me, and I said I wanted a c-section. His eyes bugged a little after all of our discussions about avoiding medication. However, the last fundal measurement had been 49 cm. I didn't think I could go through labor after being unable to keep down food for months and having limbs that wouldn't allow me to move in the positions that help labor progress. All of my plans for a natural childbirth were out the window.

The doctor said his biggest concern was being able to deliver the head and not the shoulders. I didn't tell him my childhood memory of the "two-headed cow" at my uncle's farm. The cow and calf had died for exactly that reason. I found this concurrence further motivation.

The next day, I had a c-section. When the baby, 10 pounds 10 oz, emerged, the doctor said "You made the right decision." Her head was 15 inches.

I am absolutely in love with her. She's a nice, solid baby. Very good for hugging. We spend lots of time snuggling and nursing these days and it is absolute bliss.

The Unrelated: Failure to Digest and Car Seats

Over Christmas my family and coworkers got a nasty intestinal bug. I was pretty smug about it. My reasoning: How would I know if I had it because I'm pregnant and I toss my cookies all the time? Not one person was amused.

Fate is quite tickled. I have the bug now. It feels very different from being pregnant. I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, but if I have food or water it leaves. . . so maybe life will be better in a couple of days.

In the meantime, Dad visited and installed the car seat. (My Dad has really outdone himself with all of the helping.) The car seat is a Graco Snugride. It fits! I'd been worried because the car is a 2003 Subaru WRX, and I love driving it. Unfortunately, the back seat of the car doesn't have a tremendous amount of room for baby gear, but it is going to be just right for the baby and me. The next stop is the Fire Department so they can verify it was installed right. I'm a first-time mom, and I worry about these things.

The other adventure today is a missing back seat belt. I can locate half of it, but the part that the safety belt latches into cannot be found behind seats or under cushions. Thanks to Google, my knowledge of after-market parts for this car has increased dramatically. (Five-point harness anyone? They're not just for babies!) The latch is still missing, but I'm going to look for it again tomorrow if my stomach cooperates.

As Expected, The Unexpected

The theme of this pregnancy has been the unexpected. Somethings that are surprising me lately include:

1) My coworkers are very supportive. They are really there for me.

2) People keep giving me diapers. I'd just gotten four bundles of size ones when a friend offered a few packages of size twos.

3) A friend I thought had ditched me anonymously gave a very generous gift.

4) There is a car seat and a crib prior to the baby's arrival.

5) I cannot sleep enough. Seriously.

The biggest surprise is the combination of support and gratitude. I thought this would be unpopular or offense to people, but they have been nothing but lovely. I feel tremendously grateful.

But lest this post get too sacchrine, the dog has taken to licking the carpet. It seems to be anxiety over seeing the furniture moving and changes being made. It is just driving me nuts. The only way to have him stop is to sit down and scratch him. I guess we'll watch a movie tonight and I'll give him a dog massage.

Daycare and Diapers

This week, a discussion with the daycare provider surprised me. She's calm, organized, and flexible -- all good things for children. She's willing to use breast milk. She's willing to use cloth diapers. I couldn't imagine that a person with small children everywhere would be willing to use anything besides disposables.

Even though it means lots of time with the washing machine, cloth diapers are my top choice for environmental and economic reasons. I've been surfing the internet to find out the difference between pre-folds, all-in-ones, pocket diapers, and fitted diapers. The benefits of certain types of diapers is starting to make sense. I'm interested in convenience, so I'll be trying out of the all-in-one diapers. The pre-folds will make sense for evenings and weekends. The price of pre-folds is very good, and I find that attractive.

The little details are starting to work out. I hope they work out prior to baby's arrival!

Baby on the Inside

Waiting is more exhausting than I imagined. I'm getting uncomfortable with the weight of the baby again and I can't sleep for very long stretches of time because I get uncomfortable. I spend my lunch hour trying to catch a nap, and then I go to bed early when I get home. I'm just out of patience and out of energy. It's a matter of weeks until this baby is full-term. I keep telling myself that things happen at the right time for the right reasons. I just need to relax and accept it.

My parents are being even sweeter than usual. Mom cleaned the kitchen while she was visiting my house to clean the litter box. She even wiped the smudges off of the trash can.

Dad has almost finished painting the interior of my house. He's talking about what to pack to go to the hospital. He plans to join us for some of the labor and delivery. This is very different from when I first asked if he would like to be there and he said, "The waiting room will be just fine." Since he saw the birth plan that said he was welcome to join us, he's been noticeably upbeat. I think he felt left out that it was just me and Mom.

With all of the painting and organization on the home front, the crib might actually get assembled soon. Baby's clothes are in the closet. There is hope that all will be ready when baby arrives.

Birth Plans

Today, I finished the birth plan. The computer-generated plans on the internet are very helpful because they break down the major categories and touch on the bigger subjects.

Eating during labor? Yes, please!
Baby in room? Of course!
Episiotomy? Ow! Better be a really good reason.

Next came the endless tweaking of language. The doula wants me to be more "assertive" although her brand of assertive sounded pretty aggressive. I've got a good doctor, and his opinion and advice are important to me. I'd hate to see a birth plan stifle it. Mom (my labor coach) and I went through the items and changed all of the "I would likes" to "I prefer" or "I want." We'll review it with the doctor at my next appointment on Wednesday. Mom gets to meet the doctor for the first time too.

The Braxton-Hicks contractions made themselves known for the first time today. I'm nearly to 35 weeks, and I'm so eager to meet this baby. It makes it hard to focus on other details in life.

My next detail? Mom needs medical power of attorney and a living will. I hope we won't need them, but I want her to have what she will need if things don't go as planned.

Next Month!

The official due date is next month. I'm anxious to meet the baby, and at the same time, I'm ready for her to arrive yet. It's week 34, so if she can wait at least three more weeks, it would be good. Also the hormones remain at high levels. I find myself getting misty-eyed over how generous others are.

Arrangements at home coming together. I've delved into the closet in the baby's room. It is horrifying to see how much has accumulated in that closet over the last five years. My ex-husband has been very sweet about helping me clean it out. We gathered all of those things when we were together. It is easier to make decisions about where the debris should go with him. Just when I think I'm over the divorce, I get another wave of forgiveness and gratitude that we can be friends and that we aren't married any more. He seems to feel the same way. No one ever told me that love can change into a wonderful friendship.

Baby gifts keep arriving. At least once a week, I open my locker at work and find a package of baby goodies. I don't want to ruin my professional demeanor, but everyone loves to look at the baby clothes and coo along with me. The professional behavior might take time to reconstruct.

2010 has all the indications of a very exciting year.

The Holiday Season

This holiday season is different than usual. For the first time in years, I feel like decorating, listening to Christmas carols, and celebrating. Maybe it is the baby?

At the same time, an old friend came to visit from out of town and wanted to visit to "touch my belly." I wanted to scream and run away. Belly touching has been on a case-by-case basis. If I get a good vibe, it is okay. This is the second good friend who hasn't had a good vibe. I wouldn't have guessed this would be my reaction, and it puzzles me.

Baby arrival time is getting close, and I'm eager to meet the little one. I'm also eager to be able to put on my shoes without it turning into an event.

So here's to the holiday season and family and friends. Next year there will be a little one to help celebrate.

The Registry

With the third trimester rapidly approaching, my fears that there will be no baby have evaporated. They are being replaced with the sense that I've just wasted seven months of preparation time. Even the animals at my house seem to know something is arriving. They jockey for a position on my lap that allows them to put their front paws around my belly and rest their chins on the big lump.

Staying home yesterday would have been so pleasant especially with the furry creatures who want to snuggle. Instead, I went to Target to register for baby things. The staff was friendly and helpful. The inventory was completely overwhelming. I was completely unprepared for the volume of things.

The babies I recall baby sitting for had a few toys, diapers, food, and a crib. I registered for a baby swing and a baby bouncer. A small portable crib got on the list. A mother walked by with a screaming toddler who threw himself on the floor and couldn't be persuaded to walk away. I started to feel anxious about the whole parenting enterprise.

The baby bottles were next. I plan to breastfeed, but baby sitters will need bottles. I was getting a little dizzy and wanted to sit on the floor with my head between my knees. Another mother with a wailing child walked by in the cart. With the registry only partially completed, I went home exhausted. The nice folks at Target say I can finish later in the store or online.

Naptime

Sleeping is the most attractive thing these days -- aside from food. I awakened at 4:30 this morning because my stomach was growling and wouldn't be ignored. After a cup of yogurt, I got a few more hours sleep. Later this afternoon, I had a double helping of nap.

So much slumber is not good for accomplishing tasks. As the six-month mark approaches, I feel the need to check items off of the to-do list more quickly. (The list continues to grow as well.) Some home redecorating is scheduled for completion in late November, and the next item is the nursery. Baby might not have a freshly painted room. I may just settle for moving the desks and computer out of the room. (See sleeping above.) The painting could come later.

As for now, I think it is high time I went back to bed.

Mental Health

Last week I got quite concerned about the emotional ups and downs I'm experiencing. People at work are irritating me, and that was unusual. I like my job and I'm count myself luck to be employed. Fortunately good manners covers most things. I didn't even have unexpected tears.

My wonderful therapist, the one who coached me back to life after a divorce, managed to work me in for an appointment. We talked, and I told her I didn't quite know what was wrong. I just felt like a teenager with wild emotions and the idea that other people just don't get it.

She laughed and made her diagnosis: "You're pregnant." She also said I was welcome to come back for therapy if I needed help handling the ups and downs. Somehow, hearing that I wasn't crazy makes it much easier.

On the Work Front

Things at work are roller coaster on the way up. The coworker who makes me feel uncomfortable has moved away from my area. Not sitting next to him is going to be such a huge improvement. It was just awkward and painful with him moping.

Another coworker wants to do something special for me. She wants to get some other people involved in it too. I'm tickled at how much people want to spoil this baby, and I'm delighted to let them.

Even with all of this support, I'm still feeling dissatisfied. This was my dream job, and I loved it for years. Now it really isn't a dream job, and the thrill is long gone. While other people would be preparing nurseries and nesting, I'm getting my interest inventories together and polishing my resume. If I still feel this way after I've been back from maternity leave for a few month, I'll be ready to move onto something else. I keep hoping that it is just hormones or just anxiety about the baby. I'm afraid that it really is about the work.

Wondering, Dreaming

The days feel autumnal. The sky took on the rich blue hue and the sun is yellower. It gets dark earlier, and I've had to dig out my sweater. The garden chores to get the garden ready for winter are beginning, and I really enjoy it.

I'm wondering what it will be like at this time next year. The baby will be seven months old. Will I have to sneak outside? Will the little one want to help? I feel as if I'm leaving all of this behind, and I don't have any regrets. In my experience, people who don't have any fears about the unknown are completely ignorant. I hope my education will be kind.

New Pants

New pants with a special elastic panel in the front are being shipped to my house at this very minute. It's getting chillier outside, and my waistband is getting tighter and tighter. At the beginning I thought I might avoid those silly looking pregnancy pants, but right now, I'm giddy about getting them.

The pregnancy bra arrived earlier and life is infinitely more comfortable. This has also put an end to trying to discretely rearrange my boobs and put them back into a bra from which they've escaped. I'm hopeful that the pants will reduce the high risk enterprise of not having my pants fastened and covering them with a long shirt.